It has been a long while since I posted...

work has kept me extraordinarily busy, and when I am not working (insert my martyr comment, "and when am I NOT working?") I am chilling with Sean (if he is home), or hanging out with my close circle of friends...

... this has left little time for posting, for when I am on the computer, I seem to be checking facebook and hanging out at youtube... and not reading any blogs or writing a blog entry.

I have quite a few emails and facebook messages that need my attention, but I don't have any fuel left in my tank after I have put in my work hours.

I have even ignored my niece's emails, which just shows you how I don't feel like spending time on the computer writing... I think my brain is MUSH and that I am in dire need of a holiday.

Speaking about facebook, I have noticed that I have lost some Christian friends from my church days due to my "agnostic" stance on god... This made me think about my blog writings about why I left the church and at first became a christian in exile, and then moved to my agnostic position...

...I know I owe my dear faithful reader (my one fan, 'tijn!) the remainder of the story...especially since my dear cuz, ('tijn) put up with my holier than thou attitude when I was in my christian phase of life...

I will try and do an entry prior to Christmas and hopefully I will do the final entry during the christmas season (fitting, don't you think?)

Anyways, I think I am going to go back to facebook to see how many more christians/ex-friends I have lost over the last few days...amazing, their attitude just plays into my bitter theory that they think that they should have all of the love in the world, and us little pee-on unbelievers don't deserve their attention, for yes, they own the patented rights to heaven...

toodles,

CG

PS:  Go SK Rough Riders, Go! 

Good Memories

Not all of my memories about my tenure in the realm of Christianity are horrific. I made some good friends while attending church and Bible College. The real friends still talk/email me despite the fact that I am no longer a Christian. The "fake" friends who (surprise surprise) were the most "holy" out of the group of Christians dropped me like a hot potatoe when I stopped attending church.

Here are a few good memories from my attendance at bible college:

The artist of the drawings is Dave. Dave used to make me laugh all the time. He would do these zany drawings while in class - it is too bad that I only kept 2 of his drawings...

More about my story to follow... I have just been pretty busy to do a "serious" post!

Prior to attending bible college, I was the typical Christian who did not study the bible on my own.  Sure,  I read passages before I slept or during bible study, but I never took the time out to read and understand completely this book which my faith and my life was founded upon.

Once I was in bible college, I started studying the bible in depth for my studies and my own personal gain.  That was where I began questioning things.  I found so many contradictions and confusing statements.  This further study of the bible did not help my faith, rather it made my faith falter.

I began reading other books that are not of the Christian faith.  Books written by religious studies experts who explained their view on Christianity.

How can I understand my own belief system if I didn't understand fully and entirely what I believed in?  A quick 20 minute course in apologetics (I say 20 minutes, when in actual fact it was a full semester course.  What I mean by this statement is that we touched so very briefly on every subject of secular teachings that the college did not agree with, so it felt like a 20 minute course) was not going to get me winning an argument against a person who has their PhD in Astronomy.

Through my studies of the origin and the meanings of the bible, I discovered the incontinence of the biblical word.

I guess what I am saying is that my decision to leave the church was not hastily made.  My decision to enter a church and become a christian was made in the excitement of belonging to a group of people who accepted me and made me feel safe.  Leaving the church was a big step for me.  I was leaving the confines of a place where I once felt safe, where I once felt like I knew everything and had it all figured out.  My exit of the church was the exact opposite: it was not done as a quick arc reflex reaction.  It was done logically and with a lot of misgivings.

Losing one's faith leaves one hollow.  Leaving one's friends and deciding to start afresh is a lonely step.  However, I knew I had to do this, for I could no longer attend an establishment that to me was not the truth.

I am just thankful that through his own path of self-awareness, Sean had also decided to leave the church.  I do not know what I would have done had Sean decided to stay in the church.  (please note, I did not sway Sean to leave the church, he came to his own conclusions and his own reasons as to why he left the church)

What books did I study and what conclusions did I come to about Christianity?

That is another blog post.  Now it is time for me to have my first cup of coffee and go enjoy the day with Sean.

CG

XTC

This is not a post that further explains why I left Christianity.  Rather, it is the lyrics to one of my favourite XTC songs, "Dear God".  This song sums up how I feel - more importantly the line that says, "I can't believe in you" 

Dear God by XTC.

Words by Andy Partridge. Music by Andy Partridge and Colin Moulding. © 1986 Virgin Records Ltd.

Dear God, hope you got the letter and 
I pray you can make it better down here 
I don't mean a big reduction in the price of beer 
But all the people that you made in your image 
See them starving on their feet 
'Cause they don't get enough to eat from God 
I can't believe in you

Dear God, sorry to disturb you but 
I feel that I should be heard loud and clear 
We all need a big reduction in amount of tears 
And all the people that you made in your image 
See them fighting in the street 
'Cause they can't make opinions meet about God 
I can't believe in you

Did you make disease and the diamond blue? 
Did you make mankind after we made you? 
And the devil too!

Dear God, don't know if you noticed but 
Your name is on a lot of quotes in this book 
And us crazy humans wrote it, you should take a look 
And all the people that you made in your image 
Still believing that junk is true 
Well I know it ain't, and so do you, dear God 
I can't believe in 
I don't believe in

I won't believe in heaven and hell 
No saints, no sinners, no devil as well 
No pearly gates, no thorny crown 
You're always letting us humans down 
The wars you bring, the babes you drown 
Those lost at sea and never found 
And it's the same the whole world 'round 
The hurt I see helps to compound 
The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost 
Is just somebody's unholy hoax 
And if you're up there you'd perceive 
That my heart's here upon my sleeve 
If there's one thing I don't believe in 
It's you 
Dear God.