Once I was in bible college, I started studying the bible in depth for my studies and my own personal gain. That was where I began questioning things. I found so many contradictions and confusing statements. This further study of the bible did not help my faith, rather it made my faith falter.
I began reading other books that are not of the Christian faith. Books written by religious studies experts who explained their view on Christianity.
How can I understand my own belief system if I didn't understand fully and entirely what I believed in? A quick 20 minute course in apologetics (I say 20 minutes, when in actual fact it was a full semester course. What I mean by this statement is that we touched so very briefly on every subject of secular teachings that the college did not agree with, so it felt like a 20 minute course) was not going to get me winning an argument against a person who has their PhD in Astronomy.
Through my studies of the origin and the meanings of the bible, I discovered the incontinence of the biblical word.
I guess what I am saying is that my decision to leave the church was not hastily made. My decision to enter a church and become a christian was made in the excitement of belonging to a group of people who accepted me and made me feel safe. Leaving the church was a big step for me. I was leaving the confines of a place where I once felt safe, where I once felt like I knew everything and had it all figured out. My exit of the church was the exact opposite: it was not done as a quick arc reflex reaction. It was done logically and with a lot of misgivings.
Losing one's faith leaves one hollow. Leaving one's friends and deciding to start afresh is a lonely step. However, I knew I had to do this, for I could no longer attend an establishment that to me was not the truth.
I am just thankful that through his own path of self-awareness, Sean had also decided to leave the church. I do not know what I would have done had Sean decided to stay in the church. (please note, I did not sway Sean to leave the church, he came to his own conclusions and his own reasons as to why he left the church)
What books did I study and what conclusions did I come to about Christianity?
That is another blog post. Now it is time for me to have my first cup of coffee and go enjoy the day with Sean.
CG
4 comments:
Thanks for continuing your story. Though I am not one of your cousins (unless "50th cousin" counts :-), and am several time zones away in the eastern U.S., I appreciate your willingness to share your thoughts.
I never went to bible college, and led an entirely secular life until I met my wife (nearly 15 years ago). Though I've attended church regtularly with her (usually the big-box, casual-dress evangelical type so common in America now), I have never professed to be a christian. I never do the altar call, I never sing the praise songs, and I never take the Eucharist -- because I don't believe. Church is largely a social exercise and a time for family bonding (which is all anyone gets, once you take away the cosmological consequences).
I'm sorry to hear you are feeling 'hollow'. I suppose my question for you is, do you need a group identity to feel at one with the Universe? Or to feel you have a relevant 'purpose' in life? (I know, it's borderline inappropriate for a lurker from Tennessee to ask such questions on an open-source 'blog -- feel free to shut me down at any time).
I suspect I may have a lot in common with Sean. And I'd be happy to share more -- either here in the comment fields of Casa Canagal or offline. My email is shane(at)deichman.net if you or Sean would like to hear my view of the Universe, and my own misgivings of organized faith groups.
Hey Shane, thanks for your comments. I will give you an email later, it is just a crazy day today! I thought I would let you know that the hollow feeling of leaving the church is no longer with me. I had to go through that feeling to discover who I was on my own, without any support groups. I needed this dark time so that I could become an independent person. Sean & I now have a great set of friends, who we call "the family", and whom I love dearly. Talk to you soon!
No doubt there will be many who disagree with what I am about to write/say ....
yes, the Bible is an "inspired" work, no, it is not "fact" as we/I perceive it to be. It is an oral socio-political work of a specific historical time, enfluenced by the times and set down in a "best we can do at the time" environment. Literal belief in the Bible ... come on! If thus were so would there be so many "versions"???
Love the debate though
I am enjoying learning your story thanks for letting me read it.
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